If we’re going to be effective in person-to-person and other communications, we need to listen. Active listening contributes to more meaningful dialog and, thus, stronger personal or professional relationships.

 Listening is not always easy, given distractions, time restrictions, stresses and the context in which the conversation – spontaneous or planned – is occurring. However, whether we’re talking to a professional colleague, friend or family member, we want to be in the moment, trying to understand the other person’s perspective and goals.

Here’s what I’ve learned from others and try to remember myself when listening?!

Stay focused and connected. Give the individual speaking undivided attention and eye contact. Set aside other thoughts and try to understand what prompts this conversation and what the other person’s goal is: Establish dialog where there was none? Build on previous conversations? Communicate new information? Clarify a project? Stay in touch?

Don’t interrupt. Sometimes we misinterpret a pause for the time to respond. Yes, knowing which is which often requires experience with that person’s style. And, it may happen because we’re so enthusiastic about the subject that we want to share our perspective. So we jump in, cutting off the other person’s train of thought. Hold your feedback until you know the pause signals your turn – or until you’re asked.

Try to understand before making your point. It’s often easier to say than do, but our goal is to establish common ground. This means not rushing to judgment, responding with positive, encouraging gestures, avoiding preconceived assumptions, and remaining neutral while listening and before answering.  

Respond in an engaging way. Show that you have listened in a meaningful way and understand the other person’s goal or perspective. If you don’t, ask for clarification. Stay on subject unless it naturally leads to another common interest. Even if you disagree, avoid an adversarial or argumentative response, and think constructively. It’s not always your view or my view. If we’re listening and want to establish common ground, there are usually more options.

We all have something to learn when we’re listening, and we never know when an opportunity will emerge because we did.

Sally

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 17th, 2010 at 11:35 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.